One year…
One year ago today, my life changed forever.
One year ago today, I received the devastating call from my doctor, and my life came crashing down around me. Cancer.
Somehow, it feels like I’ve lived a lifetime in that one short year. And yet, it also seemed to fly by in a blur. Simultaneously, it feels like an eon ago, and like yesterday all at the same time. Life is strange like that, I guess.
The great news is, I am doing extremely well. Scans are still clear, and despite all the crazy treatment I’ve been through over the last 12 months, I literally feel better than ever. I feel strong and energetic and truly HEALTHY. I feel so great, in fact, that most days I can almost forget that I’m still in active treatment for stage 4 cancer. I can almost forget that I’ve been through hell and back. I can almost forget this whole thing ever happened.
But then there are days like today. Days where I’m reminded, like it or not, that I HAVE been through this. That it really DID happen. One year ago, I received the news that no one wants to hear. The news that blindsided me and my family, and shook us to our very core. The news that I would have to step into the ring for the fight of a lifetime.
On days like today, I sometimes look back and wish this wasn’t my journey. I wish I didn’t have to have these reminders about what I’ve been through, and I wish it wasn’t something that will always be a part of my life. I wish I could truly forget that it happened. But I can’t, because cancer isn’t something you can just go through, and be done with. It’s always there in the back of your mind, and the shadow it casts can be very real, and very daunting, if you let fear take control.
So whenever I start to wish it never happened, I try to look back with a different lense. I try to look back and think about how much I have GAINED through this journey. Life truly is SWEETER on the other side of cancer. I feel stronger and more confident than I ever have before, and I wake up each day truly GRATEFUL. I am grateful for my life, for my health, for my family and my friends. It is a level of gratitude that I could not have imagined before cancer. I understand how truly precious life is, and I want to make the most of every moment. I have learned to slow down and enjoy the little things. I have learned to love more, forgive often, and let go of the small stuff. Am I perfect at this? No, I am still a work in progress. But days like today serve as a reminder to keep appreciating every moment, to keep enjoying life, and to keep being GRATEFUL for all it has to offer.
I’ve heard the quote a hundred times before…the one that says something like, “you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have,” and today it rings so very true. I didn’t know how strong I would have to be to walk this path, and I sure as heck didn’t know I could actually BE that strong. But I didn’t have a choice. So I mustered up every ounce of strength I had, and even more that I didn’t know was there. And, here I am…feeling healthy, happy, strong and so very grateful. I am so grateful for all of you, who stood beside me while I fought, who prayed for me, who sent love and support to me and my family. I am grateful for the strength you gave me. I am grateful that I was able to find enough strength to fight. I am grateful to be alive. And, I am grateful that I now have an opportunity to use my journey to help others.
So today, exactly one year after my life came crashing down around me, I won’t look back and wish this wasn’t my journey. Today I will celebrate. I will celebrate my journey. I will celebrate everything I have overcome. I will celebrate my health. I will celebrate precious moments spent with loved ones. Today, I will celebrate LIFE.
One year later, and I can honestly say…life is so very SWEET, and I am so very GRATEFUL.
Xoxo,
Malea🖤