May 13, 2019

Black Hearts are for Bad A$$es

I recently started using the black heart emoji on my social media posts, and I just decided to make it a permanent part of my website. Why, you ask?? At some point during the midst of my cancer journey, someone commented on one of my posts with a black heart emoji and told me, “black hearts are for bad a$$es, and you, my friend, are a bad a$$.” That comment stuck with me for a while. In fact, it kind of became a PART of me. You see, I never really considered myself to be a bad a$$. I’m more of a “girl next door” type; sweet and a little quiet, with a big smile and a sensitive side. I’ve always had a determined attitude underneath that sweet exterior, and can be tough as nails when I need to be, but for the most part, I don’t come across as what most people would call a bad a$$. Now that I’ve traveled this cancer journey, I no longer believe that to be true! One thing cancer has taught me is that I am officially a BAD A$$, and that bad-a$$ery is definitely the most powerful weapon in my fight against cancer.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I completely fell apart. Seriously, it knocked me to my knees, it took the breath from my lungs, and it left me more scared and defeated than I had ever felt before. I cried for what seemed like weeks. I thought of every scary outcome and worst case scenario, and even went to the ultimate “dark place” and pictured my kids growing up without a mom. I was truly devastated. I knew right away that I needed to find my inner warrior to fight this battle, but I was so sad and so scared that I didn’t think I would be able to find her. I knew I needed to be one of “those people” who stand up and say, “NO WAY, CANCER, you messed with the WRONG GIRL.” But, it seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t muster up that kind of energy. I couldn’t find that warrior. And then, because I know the power of our thoughts, and how important it would be for me to enter this battle with a kick a$$ attitude, I started to judge myself for feeling so sad and defeated. I beat myself up for being scared. I wondered why on earth I couldn’t shift my thinking into that, “I’m gonna kick cancer’s a$$” attitude.

But then, one day, the fog lifted. It happened quite suddenly, and almost caught me off guard. You see, a friend had encouraged me to share my news on Facebook, which I originally hadn’t planned on doing. She explained to me that people NEEDED to know what I was going through so that they could rally around me and help support me through this scary journey. She reminded me that prayers, positive vibes, and all other kinds of support were super powerful, and, since I knew I could use all the prayers and support I could get, I decided to give it a go. After making that terrifying announcement, the prayers and messages of love and support started flooding in. Every comment, message, text, card and call made me cry. Every. Single. One. I was so amazed by how many people reached out to me, but even more than that, I was shocked to find that the messages all had a similar sentiment…they all seemed to say something along the lines of, “if ANYONE can beat this, it’s YOU,” and “you will INSPIRE so many through this journey,” and “you will BEAT this, AND will be able to use this journey to HELP others.” I literally received hundreds of messages along these lines. As I read them, couple of things started to stand out to me:

How LUCKY I was to have SO many people rallying around me, praying for me and supporting me. I honestly didn’t know THAT many people had my back, and it touched me more than I can explain.
How much people truly seemed to BELIEVE IN ME. They really seemed to believe I could beat this, and not only that, but they seemed to believe I would be able to use this journey to help others! If I’m honest, that last bit was actually a little overwhelming at first. Not only did I have to beat cancer, but I also had to give meaning to this crappy hand I had been dealt, and had to find a way to use my situation to help others. It all seemed a little weighty at a time when was already feeling so overwhelmed. But, at the same time, it fortified me. It showed me that there could be MEANING in my situation. I began to realize that I was strong enough to fight this battle, and that I could find a way to use it to help other people. Heck, if THEY believed I could do it, I might as well believe it too! And, if I’m honest, deep down, I knew they were right. I knew I was tough enough to do this, and I knew I had the skills and DESIRE to use my journey to help educate others.

As the dust began to settle in my mind, and the outpouring of love and support continued to flood in my direction, I began to feel those prayers and positive thoughts that were being sent to me from friends and family near and far. I began to feel them surrounding me and lifting me up. I began to feel them, like a cocoon, protecting me and giving me strength. And quite suddenly I began to feel a complete sense of both peace and strength. One beautiful morning, I woke up, sat out in my backyard and had an incredible moment of clarity:

Cancer isn’t the END of my story….it’s just the BEGINNING. I am healthy enough, smart enough and strong enough to beat this, and I absolutely CAN and WILL use my journey to help other people. The Universe isn’t finished with me…it’s just setting me up to make a bigger impact.

This thought hit me so hard, and with such force that I suddenly KNEW I was MEANT to make it through this. I KNEW I would not just “survive” cancer, but I would conquer it, and would come out on the other side stronger, healthier, happier and more equipped to help others than ever before. Woah. This thought was so clear and so strong and so powerful that I knew, deep down in my soul, that it was true. And, from that moment on, I NEVER wavered or doubted the outcome. I buckled myself up for a turbulent journey ahead, but I never again worried that I might not make it through.

I truly believe that that unshakeable certainty and clarity was my most powerful secret weapon in my fight against cancer. You guys, our thoughts are SO POWERFUL, and they can absolutely affect the outcome of a situation. When we have a positive mindset, and back those positive thoughts with an absolute belief that the intended outcome ALREADY EXISTS, it does! I didn’t just think I would beat cancer, I knew it.

Remember that warrior I was talking about? The one who must certainly live deep inside me, and who would step up to the front line and kick cancer right in the a$$? Well, as it turns out, all it took to find her was that shift in mindset. From that moment onward, I didn’t need to search for that warrior, I WAS that warrior. I WAS that person who stares cancer right in the eye and says, “NO WAY, CANCER, you messed with the WRONG GIRL.” I was a BAD A$$ who wasn’t going to sit by and let cancer “happen” to me, but who was going to punch cancer right in the face, and prove to other people that they could do the same. And, that’s just what I did.

So, here’s my advice. If you ever find yourself on a similar journey to mine (or any difficult journey, for that matter), your mindset is absolutely CRITICAL. This is where things can get a little woo woo, but you need to bear with me here, because this stuff really works. Here are a few key things I want you to remember when you’re faced with a scary health diagnosis or other difficult situation:

Let yourself grieve. It is OK to be sad and scared, especially at first. It is important to allow yourself to feel these emotions, and not to judge yourself for experiencing them. In fact, it would be a little strange if you went straight from terrible, life-changing news to, “I will be victorious” without first taking the time to understand and grieve the situation, process the emotions, and consider all the scenarios that lie ahead. Sadness, fear and overwhelm are a normal and expected part of the process. Let yourself experience them, but just don’t dwell there too long. Spending time thinking of all the bad or unwanted outcomes is extremely counterproductive, so try not to go there. Allow yourself time to process, and then get the heck out of that place of fear as quickly as possible.
Surround yourself with as much love and support as you can find. Prayers are powerful, positive thoughts are powerful, hugs, tears, laughter, friends and family are powerful. Don’t hide away and try to do this alone. Reach out to your network, and I bet you’ll be surprised at how much love and support you receive, and how much that love and support gives you more strength than you thought you had. When you surround yourself with people who believe in you, you will start to believe in yourself. And on that note, Negative Nellies can have the opposite effect, so if you have a Negative Nellie in your life, it’s time to take a little break from that person. You can’t afford to have anyone making you doubt yourself or your healing. Surround yourself with positivity, love and support, and you will feel the difference in your ability to stay positive and keep your sights set on victory.
Set your intention. You need to get REALLY clear on this part, and you need be incredibly intentional with your thoughts. You need to decide on the outcome you plan to achieve, and then frame your thoughts so that they reflect that outcome, NOT so that they dwell on the situation as it is. For example, think thoughts like, “I am healthy, healed, whole and complete,” and NOT thoughts like, “I hope my cancer goes away.” The words you choose are powerful, so if you don’t want cancer, don’t use the word cancer in your thoughts or affirmations. Better to use words like healing, healed, healthy, miraculous, etc. Powerful language creates powerful results, so avoid wishy washy language like “I hope,” and focus on declarative language like “I AM,” or “IT IS.” Be clear in what you want your outcome to be, and be bold in the way you declare it.
Visualize. Use your imagination on this part…you can decide to visualize your treatments chomping away on cancer cells like a Pac-Man chomping pellets. You can visualize a white, healing light filling your body and pushing out anything bad or toxic. You can visualize your own immune system surrounding your tumor, and watch as it shrinks away in your mind’s eye. I used a combination of these, but my favorite visualization was to see myself completely surrounded by white, healing light, that lifted me up and filled my body with powerful healing energy that spread through every cell and fiber of my being. Visualization is powerful, especially when it is done regularly and backed by solid belief. I like adding visualization into my meditation practice, and/or right as I am getting ready to fall asleep at night.
BELIEVE the outcome. Here is where the “positive thinking” thing usually tends to fall apart. If you repeat affirmations or positive thoughts all day long, but do not actually BELIEVE them, they aren’t going to be manifested in your life. The BELIEF is the secret sauce. You need to truly and completely believe in the outcome. It may be hard at first, but you have to become so determined to overcome your situation, and FULLY believe that it is not only possible, but has already been pre-determined. Fear can play a big, destructive role here, so no matter how scary your situation, you need to set fear aside and let faith take over.
Practice gratitude. Gratitude is SO POWERFUL. Make a commitment to start each day with a few moments of gratitude. I like to do this right before I get out of my bed in the morning. Lie still and quiet, list several things you are grateful for, and take a moment as you think of each thing to FEEL the gratitude brings to your heart. Your list can be slightly different each day, but the big ones should always be there…gratitude for complete healing, total health, love and family always top my list. This is another one where your word choice is important. Think thoughts like, “I am so grateful for my healthy, strong body, for my complete and miraculous healing, and my long, health-filled life,” instead of thoughts like “I am grateful that my cancer is going away.” Be grateful for the outcome you wish to see AS IF it has ALREADY HAPPENED.
Pray. This tip can be a little tricky to talk about because of the religious aspect, and because everyone’s beliefs are so different. I urge you to set aside religion for a second and think about it this way; affirmations, meditation, gratitude practice, and prayer all go hand in hand, and when you think about it, they are all really similar. When you pray, you are turning over your thoughts, your worries, your hopes and your requests over to God. In fact, it doesn’t matter exactly WHO you pray to or HOW you do it. When you pray, you are putting your deepest thoughts and desires into the hands of something bigger and more powerful than you are. As people, we tend to try to over-control our situations, but there is something very freeing and powerful about handing a difficult situation over to God, with the utmost faith that it will be handled. I believe that when we do our own “earthly” work, through making changes to our nutrition, through diligently following our treatment plans, and through following healthy, holistic protocols, etc., AND THEN, through prayer, handing over our belief and faith in the outcome to God or the Universe, or Source, or whatever you believe the “higher power” to be (I’m using these terms interchangeably here, so again, try not to get caught up on the term or on a particular religion…the religion itself doesn’t matter as much as your FAITH), you create a powerful set of circumstances in which the Universe will conspire to bring those energetic thoughts into reality. As with the tips on intention, belief and gratitude, the wording used in your prayers is important. Pray for the outcome you wish to experience, and simultaneously be thankful for it, as if you have already received it. And don’t forget…pray big, bold prayers…prayers for complete and total healing, prayers for overcoming even the worst of odds, prayers for miracles. Miracles are real, but they don’t happen when we play small. Believe in them, pray for them, and be grateful for them.

You see, being a bad a$$ isn’t about the way you look, the way others perceive you, or even the way you perceive yourself. Being a bad a$$ is all about having a kick a$$ mindset. It’s about facing a tough situation and deciding not to let it defeat you. It is about deciding instead to face the situation head on, about taking responsibility for everything YOU can do to improve it, and about shifting your mindset so that you truly BELIEVE in the outcome you wish to experience. You need to be so dead-set on the outcome that you can’t even see any other potential results. And, here’s the best part…this is something we are ALL capable of. Positivity is a choice, and our thoughts are something we can control. You too can shift your mindset and find that warrior buried inside you. When you’re faced with an obstacle, and decide to choose positivity and faith over fear, when you decide to look that obstacle right in the eye and say, “I will NOT let you beat me,” and when you gear up to enter the fight with an ultimate BELIEF that you will win, YOU, my friend, are a bad a$$ too.