Hello World, I have Cancer…
Facing a cancer diagnosis is one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to go through. There is so much to process, so many emotions, so many appointments and tests. And then there’s figuring out how to tell people. Do you keep it quiet, only letting in close friends and family, do you tell friends when you see them, or do you put it out there to the world? When you’re busy trying to wrap your head around the fact that you have this disease, these are not easy questions to answer!
Luckily, I have some pretty amazing friends who nudged me into sharing my news on Facebook. I wasn’t sure I liked the idea at first, but a dear friend of mine pointed out that I could use as much love and moral support as possible to help me through this difficult time. And, she pointed out that people WANT to know these kinds of things so that they can be there for you, pray for you, hug you, cry with you, encourage you, etc. So, even though I was terrified, I decided to go ahead and put it out there. I did need the support, and welcomed the prayers and positivity from as many people as possible.
The post took me days to compose, and my stomach was in knots, but eventually, I made my announcement to my “facebook family,” and BOY am I GLAD I did. Immediately upon posting my news (I’ve shared the original post below), the messages of love and support began flooding in. In fact, I am pretty sure I spent a full two days with tears running down my cheeks, as EVERY single message (literally hundreds of comments, DMs, texts and phone calls) made me cry. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of love and support I was receiving, and so touched by how many people were taking the time to reach out to me, pray for me, help me, and so many more amazing gestures. And it didn’t stop there! My friends rallied together so fast, and began working together to figure out what they could do to help. As it turns out, I’ve surrounded myself with some pretty amazing people, and before I could even digest all the lovely messages, there were also meal trains, dog walks, fundraisers, prayer circles, offers to drive kids…and the list went on! I began to feel so loved and supported that it honestly gave me a strength I didn’t realize I had. You see, at the time, everything was still so raw and so new. I was still an emotional wreck, and while the messages and kind gestures made me cry, they also helped me to work through the sadness while feeling SO loved and so supported. And for this, I am forever grateful. In fact, I’ve got a whole blog post worth of stuff to say about this, so stay tuned for more later.
But for now, I wanted to share with you my original Facebook post. It still makes me cry when I read it, because it takes me back to that time, not too long after my diagnosis, when everything was so scary, so overwhelming, and honestly felt like the end of the world. Why am I sharing it again here? Because it was such an important part of my journey, and captures so much of what it felt like to be a 40 year old wife and mom newly diagnosed with breast cancer.
strôNG/
adjective
1. having the power to move heavy weights or perform other physically demanding tasks.
2. able to withstand great force or pressure.
I’ve been debating for a while about whether or not to put this out there, and although I’ve gone back and forth about it many times, ultimately, I’ve decided that this will be the easiest way to share a challenge I have been facing. I’ve been having a tough time with this, because, frankly, it’s still hard for me to say the words out loud. In fact, I’m trembling as I write this, as I still don’t want to believe this is real.
I have breast cancer.
That is the single hardest sentence I’ve ever written. This discovery has rocked me to my core. It is terrifying, shocking and overwhelming. I’ve been struggling to digest this for several weeks, and to this day, it is still hard for me to wrap my head around it. I’ve been sad, I’ve been scared, I’ve been angry, and I’ve felt sorry for myself and for my family. I’ve cried a lot of tears, lost a lot of sleep, and done a lot of research. I’ve struggled to understand why this has happened to me, and I’ve cried and complained about the treatments I’ll have to endure in order to beat this. And, while I’m sure there will still be plenty more tears, anger and frustration at this stupid disease that has found its way into my body, TODAY I’ve decided that I am STRONG.
I’ve decided to be strong because I AM going to beat this. I’ve decided to be strong because this journey is going to be so very challenging, both mentally and physically, and it will require all of my strength to get through it. I’ve decided to be strong because I have two sweet girls who need their mom, and an amazing husband who needs me by his side as we raise our precious family.
I’ve had many moments of questioning why this has happened to me. And, although I still don’t have any answers, and still have plenty of moments of feeling weak and scared, I’ve decided that today is the day that I put on my STRONG hat, stop questioning why, and start focusing on beating this thing. It’s going to be hard, and I’m really not looking forward to it. But, here I am, standing at the bottom of this mountain, and the only way to get to the other side is to start climbing.
Like I said, I’ve thought about keeping this battle private, but one thing I’ve already learned through this journey is that feeling love and support from friends and family (near and far) is the most healing, uplifting thing during this difficult time. Simply receiving a loving text or a word of support can brighten a dark day. Prayers, positive thoughts, hugs and words of encouragement really do make a big difference. And, in being faced with such a scary obstacle, I’ve realized I can use all the uplifting thoughts and support I can get.
I’m still really scared, and I’m still wishing this weren’t true, but I’m also a fighter, so I’m going to beat this. Xoxo ❤️